If the person you are in a relationship with says “I need some space” or “I need time to find myself” or “Let’s just be friends” or “We should see other people” or “Don’t call me, I’ll call you” or anything that suggests they are trying to pull away, it doesn’t always mean they no longer love you. It usually means you’re acting needy and being clingy.
Many needy people fail to recognize that they are needy and clingy, and few will admit to being needy and clingy. It’s much easier to believe that someone is just confused about his or her feelings for us or doesn’t know what he/she wants because thinking this way is kinder to the ego. It’s face-saving, but it also blinds us to what we need to do to change the dynamics of the relationship or stop a break-up before it happens.
Clinging and neediness is created when you need or demand more than the other person is able, capable of or willing to give at the time. Often times you just want someone to love you or show that they care about you, but because someone is not doing what you need them to do for you to feel loved and cared for, you get angry or sad, desperate and anxious, and even irrational and inconsiderate.
You start giving more and more to get just a little of what you need from the other person. And when the other person gets upset, irritated or turned off by your “love and acts of caring”, you’re confused because you don’t understand why when you are giving them what they should be giving you (but aren’t), they still don’t want it.
To most healthy men and women, clinging and neediness equals suffocation, confinement or restriction because you are trying to control their ability to act the way they want or wish to, or to live their lives without your input. You may not even generally call yourself a needy person because you have an indepent life — a wide social network, other interests and hobbies, a demanding career etc — but if you’re constantly frustrated because you feel that the other person is not acting how you want them to and as a result you do not feel loved and cared for, to the other person you are needy and clingy.
Demanding that someone love you or show you that they care in the way you need or want them to, is one of the fastest ways to end a relationship. If you really love someone and want to be with them, but are being told “I need some space” or “I need time to find myself” or “Let’s just be friends” or “We should see other people” or “Don’t call me, I’ll call you”, it makes more sense for you to find ways to be less needy and clingy.
As long as you are unaware of your needy and clingy behaviours, or in denial about it, you will continue with the same behaviours until you drive the person you love away — may be for good.